This life I live is not at all what I thought it would look look like. I hate that during this time in my life I feel like I don't belong anywhere. It seems that the one thing I use to be able to turn is the one thing that hurts me most; Music. I'm sure you all want to know this but I really hate music...and I don't know how to get over it, is this really what I'm suppose to do? I'm hurting so much that I can't do what I've wanted to do so badly for so long. I fell very discouraged and I don't know how to get out. I'm sorry I'm venting but I really need to. I'm longing for direction and passion that means something. Where can I find inspiration? How can I get out of this faze and on to a better track in life? "Oh dear God help me find you". Well as always God is teaching me something, I just don't know what yet. Wow I'm overwhelmed.

God by you, Love

Hannah

So life is and has been an ever changing movement that I exist in and now more then ever I know I am a very small piece of the process. I was thinking the other day that if I had never come to the CMC my life wouldn't be the same but in a way I wouldn't know exactly what I had been missing because I wouldn't know. And just the same the friends I have here would never have known my name or have been able to experience my oddness of which they have come to know and love. lol. I think. But It got me to think about how much of my life is on purpose. I wake up on purpose (even though many times its a struggle), I get dressed on purpose, I breathe on purpose (even though I don't always notice it), I smile on purpose, I walk on purpose, I speak on purpose, and yes I even sing on purpose. It wasn't until this epiphenious (I made that one up) moment that I realized my importance. My life maybe small and insignificant to the person I see walking down the street, but I was born with a purpose, and I matter, even if only to a few people; I matter. I might not be the best role-model or the best friend I could be, or I might make the worst mistakes but God knows me and loves me in spite of my flaws and the misdirection I tend to walk in most days; but my existence was not a mistake or accident made by my parents but rather God put everything in order that I might have this future He is laying out in front of me. By no means is this easy. I have the potential to hurt so many people, I am human just like you, but I think we need to remember to life our lives on purpose. Remember that God has you here to bring Him glory even when it's hard. Lift your hands and voice to praise the creator and purpose giver.

Well those are my thoughts, I love you all and I see how God is working His purpose through you,

God by you,

Han

Well this is life and I can't escape it. I've made my mistakes and I've accidentally hurt the people closest to me and now here I am...alone and sad but I still have hope. And I'm still excited about life and all that God is doing with me and the people all over the world who are in my life. It is such a blessing to know that no matter what life throws my way, all the pain and brokenness, God is still working on me and shaping me into the woman after His heart that He's calling me to do. I'm still in search of what exactly I'm suppose to do with my life, but I still have hope and I will live in it. Its amazing what a breath of fresh air will do for you. We went to Boston over the weekend and it couldn't have come at a better time for all of us. We got to get out and around the city, I got to meet up with one of my friends and many of us ran around the city looking for Haylee Williams.......some found her and others didn't succeed. But it was amazing. It was raining when we got there and it continued for the rest of the day, but I asked God to make it snow......and low and behold......it snowed. It was just a marker to me of how close He is. What a Great God we serve. Well I have to go to class but I just wanted to give you a little inspiration and encouragement for the day.....God is ever near you and all you have to do is call His name.

God by you my friends,

Hannah

Well we thought it was a short cut to the disc golf course but it turned into a dirt bike trail. lol.

The place I live is far beyond beauty.

Yes it has been weeks since I've posted and all 2 of you are wondering WHY? But the truth is I got really busy and any free time I have is either spent writing songs or catching up on sleep. So right now I have a few minutes to catch you up on what's happened.

Well life on the island is slowing down and people are leaving which makes the population about 1000 lol. So now that theres no traffic illegally go 60 on a 30mph and not get in trouble, not that I have...ok maybe a few times but I needed chocolate. Well since everything is closing life is kind of slow outside of our little 22 acre property...but inside this little bubble.............AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Life is speeding up and driving some people to madness...ok that's a little over the edge but things are getting tense now that things are moving faster. This week I have to perform and record a bunch of music so my techie can master it for me and for his grade. So tomorrow morning I have to wake up early and go record some stuff and lay down the drums and bass. Oh man.

I do have a story for you....

So Thursday night I was laying in bed and I got a knock at my back door...it was a manager telling me that Tom (one of our teachers) had gotten me and 2 other girls free tickets and backstage passes to the meet and greet for KELLY CLARKSON! the person I have looked up to for the late 7 years of my life. It was so unreal. The next day we got in my car got on the ferry after some trouble and then we drove a few hours to the show at Mohegan Arena/Casino lol. We ran around and finally got our tickets. Kate and Jill (Alum of CMC) aka Kelly's Background Vocals came out to meet us and they hung out and talked with us for a while and then they met us backstage to bring us into see Kelly. My heart was racing. They brought us into Kelly and she was amazing! Super sweet and she gave me a hug and then we talked about the fudge on the island that's amazing and how we like it at CMC and then she said..."Oh yeah we're going there in like a week...right?" I was like oh my goodness I could see you again in a week??? I love my life. lol Then Jill and Kate gave us a tour of backstage and all the dressing rooms, then they brought us back to our seats from behind the stage. It was awesome. I am so blessed to have this opportunity even though I get to meet cool people I still have no idea what I'm suppose to do with my life. But some how I keep getting brought back to this place of meeting really good connections with artists and songwriters and producers and managers.

I'm still asking "God what the heck am I suppose to do?"
I suppose I will always ask that but I'm just gonna keep walking and see what happens.

Well for now I'm gonna go to bed and wake up early and then play some music.

God By You my Friends,

Hannah

Well...here it is...I know people say this all the time but, I never thought I would be in a place like this. A place where all you do is play music, be with people, explore an island and pretend to find treasure, write music, have teachers who have been there and done that; including a teacher who wrote the music for "That Thing You Do" and another who has pretty much met everyone you could imagine, and yet get college credits without using a single text book. This is everyones dream...and I get to live it.

It all started with a long drive and a few nights at a hotel in Cape Cod, and then the nerves started when I got on the ferry lol; there is nothing more terrifying then knowing there is an ocean between you and the real world that everyone else in your life is in. So here I sit on a rap-around porch trying to write something that might be good, surrounded by 22 acres of beautiful trees and the ocean on every side...the beach is less then a mile down the road...and even though it is stunningly beautiful I wonder everyday why in the world am I here?

It's been challenging and really interesting to see how much I've changed in even the last week of being here. It's like all of our eyes are being opened to a world in music and even another world inside that that people don't know about; did you know that there is at the very least "176" different jobs you can have in the music industry? that's just ridiculous hahaha. I really don't know what I'm suppose to do so for now I'm just going to sing until I realize that there is another job in the "176" that is just right for me, or maybe this is just an expensive way for me to find out I'm suppose to be a Vet lol. I'll let you know what I learn.
Until then...God By You my friend.

Hannah Elizabeth